Friends! You're here!!! Welcome to the blog and THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for popping over and checking it out. I'm so excited for what's to come here. Take a peak around...it's more than just a blog! You can read more about me here, download freebies here (lots more to come!), & learn more about my health coaching services here. I've been dreaming up all sorts of fun stuff to add in the future and I'm so honored to have you follow along.
If you clicked over from Instagram, you probably already know me pretty well. And, if you've followed for a while, I hope it's been obvious that I'm a big believer in people. On top of having a huge passion for wellness, I'm truly just OBSESSED with human potential. And from the depths of my soul, I love to see people win. It's why I wanted to become a health coach in the first place. And, typical Gemini, I'm wired to communicate. Starting this blog as a way to serve and write about what I've learned feels like a long time coming and what I was always meant to do.
As I get into the swing of blogging regularly (ha, bare with me!), my mission is to create meaningful, helpful, and actionable content that will motivate, inspire, and teach. (No fluff, I pinky promise!) But this *first* post...I've been putting off for weeks! It felt intimidating and awkward and lots of what are you doing, you have no idea how to be a blogger type thoughts have been running through my head.
I wanted to set the tone and give you all an idea of what you can expect to find here in the future. I also wanted it to be perfect, which sounds silly, but I'm just going to come out and say this from the get-go...
For me, the lie of perfectionism is where the devil does his dancing.
It's been the underlying cause of fear, exhaustion, shame, overwhelm, self-doubt, and procrastination in my life. It has held me back and burnt me out...and it still creeps up every now and then. How I've learned to mostly overcome it is probably something I'll write about often. So, when I caught myself trying to think of the *perfect* first-blog-post-type-of-thing to say, I just had to take a deep breath, start writing and have faith the right words would come out. And that really is the heart of this post...
We can talk about and think about our goals and dreams and what we hope to achieve all day long, but unless we get real and take ownership of the things that are holding us back, things will never change. Never, ever.
We all have big dreams we aren't doing anything about. And most of us are guilty of letting our best gifts and talents stay frozen inside us for years. Fear of the unknown and fear of failure are two big reasons, but more than anything, so many of us lack the basic self-confidence to believe we can really make it happen, even when we so desperately want to rise up, live in our purpose, and start serving the world.
Maybe for you it's a different lie than perfectionism or a combination of lies. The feeling that you're not good enough, don't know enough, aren't brave enough, aren't worthy of love and belonging; the idea that you're defined by how you look, how much you weigh, your social status or you're somehow damaged because of a recent divorce or something that happened in your past. Lies. All of it. And changeable! All of it.
Here's the deal: No one is going to change your life except for you.
Only you can own your story. Only you can hear the crazy talk inside your head telling you what you can't do and tell it to shut up. (Download my favorite positive affirmations for free!) It's time to start making more than halfhearted-maybe-someday commitments to yourself and just do it. Whether it's losing weight, getting in the habit of daily exercise, waking up earlier, taking a course, making more money, carving out time to relax for a hot second - whatever it is - you are capable of doing absolutely anything you set your mind to, even if you don't believe it yet.
Here are my three steps to stop letting the lies hold you back and gain the confidence to start doing what you say you want to do!
Step one: Clarity is your superpower.
This might seem a little obvious, but taking the time to figure out clearly and specifically what exactly we really, truly want is something most people don't actually ever do, and it's a big reason we stay stuck and lacking inspiration. Concrete, specific goals have way more power than, "Hmm, I think I wanna lose some weight," or, "Gee, I'd really love to start making some extra income."
Something else we don't do? Attach a WHY to our goals. The clarity that comes from knowing WHAT you want and WHY you want it is your superpower.
Before you say whatever, I know how to set a goal - let me just say that knowing something and actually putting it into practice are two different things. And let's be real, you can be a highly productive, to-do-list-crosser-offer, get-sh*t-done, hustlin' type of girl, and not be doing a single thing that actually matters or fills your soul. Take it from me, it's this kind of wheel spinning with no purpose that leads to the frustration and burn-out I mentioned earlier and it wastes a lot of precious time.
So right now, start thinking of something you really want. Your life is talking to you. You've seen the signs and signals and you've battled the same old stories about why you can't do xyz long enough. It doesn't have to be a huge thing. Write down what it is, and then write down three reasons you really want it. Here's a simple personal example I wrote down last year...
"What I really want is to start waking up one hour before the kids wake up. I know this will give me time to pray, write, read, and start my day off on the right foot. I'll feel less rushed and able to give the kids a calm, happy morning." (This wasn't actually easy at all for me. I believed the lie that I wasn't a morning person for years, simply because I had been saying it to myself over and over. I knew that waking up early would be a game-changer, but didn't think I could commit. Reading The Miracle Morning finally gave me the kick in the pants I needed and I've been waking up early ever since!)
"What I really want is to save $2000 by the end of the year so that I can sign up for that workshop. I know that if I can get there, it will be life changing for me, give me the confidence to start my business, and change our family's financial situation." or..."What I really want is to take the time to declutter and organize every room in the house. I know that the mess is taking up way too much mental energy and even though this will be a lot of work, it will be so freeing to have more space, less mess, and less stuff."
Don't get caught up trying to make it perfect, no one's reading it but you. Start with something small like I did. I use this exercise for practically anything I'm dragging my feet on and it works every time.
p.s. The bigger the goal or dream, the bigger your purpose is going to have to be. Passion-fueled people are the most persistent, successful, and resilient.
p.p.s. Clarity is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself for peace of mind - the moment you have clear direction, you're likely to feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders because you know where (and where not) to place your efforts.
Step 2: Get honest with yourself.
Moving on. I bet you're already thinking in the back of your mind of something way bigger you want to do than just wake up earlier or organize your closets. Everyone has those big "what-if's?" that they don't dare to say out loud. You might even feel guilty for wanting what you want. That's totally normal. Plenty of women were raised believing that wanting anything more than what they have is a selfish, negative thing. And mom-guilt is practically part of our DNA. So yes, you're probably going to feel a little bit guilty and this is another great reason for writing down your why. Having that constant reminder will help you keep moving forward, even when temporary sacrifices are being made.
Excuses are nothing to be ashamed of, we all have them, and most of them are 100% ridiculous and not true.
Whatever is holding you back...not enough time or money, not skinny or pretty or smart enough...again, all lies. You're awesome, I promise. And sure, we all have our limitations. There are only so many hours in a day, we have kids and jobs and things to take care of, we have health stuff to deal with and budgets and our past and maybe there isn't a soul on earth to support you...all legit reasons to hesitate. But when you call out and own your excuses (instead of blaming them or pretending they don't exist) they actually begin to have less of an impact on your reality. Plus, by going for it, you're giving someone else permission to go for it too. The world needs more happy people doing what they love.
You can figure it out.
What do you need to learn? If your dream is to start a non-profit and you've never volunteered, then you've got some steps to take. If you want to be a writer and you've never opened up a blank page to write a sentence, you have some work to do. I used to think that people were just born with certain talents like the ability to sit down and spit out a novel or sing like an angel but the truth is 99% of people put in decades of work to get good at their craft or get their first little tid-bit of success. I promise you that whatever you want wants you. You would not be given a dream if you had not also been given the capacity to fulfill it. You can rise above practically anything, but only you can make the decision to try.
So write down all your excuses, including all the things you're going to have to learn, who you need to talk to and what you need to figure out. Name them one by one and then ask yourself this: Am I up for it? One of two things will happen, both of which are good. You'll either say woohoo! and get super motivated because by making that list of excuses you've realize they're all totally conquerable...or two, you'll say whoa, hold up, maybe I don't actually want to put in this much effort, or maybe this isn't the right time. Either way you've answered your question, right?! Crumple up the excuse-filled page, throw it in the trash or light it on fire and move on to step three...
STEP 3 - JUST START.
You've decided what you want. You're committed to seeing it through. You've thrown your excuses to the wind... Now what?
Very simply, just start. You're smart. Everything is progress. Get going sister...
The easiest way I've found is to simply figure out the steps its going to take, write them down checklist style, and start crossing those puppies off.
We can get so caught up in the big picture, make it so overwhelming in our heads, but honestly?...practically every significant thing that has ever happened in human history has been the result of a series of small, consistent steps in a focused direction by someone who had a dream and the gumption to go for it.
Ask questions, reach out to people...if someone you think could help has their email listed that means you can email them. It's very likely they'd be honored and flattered to give their advice and happy to answer a few Q's. Research. Google. Brainstorm. Watch the webinar. Buy the book and actually read it. There are podcasts on literally every subject you can think of. (I'm working on a post of my favorites.) The point is, we are living in the most super-connected, you-can-figure-out-literally-anything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-in-five-seconds, amazing time ever! Use it to your advantage and hook yourself up! "I can't figure it out" is an excuse that simply doesn't fly these days.
And know this...the moment you put your goal on paper and your plan into action, the second you start putting one foot in front of the other and step out to make your dreams a reality, God and the entire universe will move with you and for you to help make it happen. You don't even have to believe that in order for it to be true. Someone very wise once told me that people conspire with God all the time, even when they don't know it. The universe is always working for our highest good. I've found a lot of prayer and a lot of hard work help to make it happen even faster.
ONE MORE THING I'VE FOUND HELPFUL...
Whenever I feel stuck, defeated, twisted up in the lie of perfectionism, lonely, or just plain down, I turn to gratitude. So if right now you're goalless and confused, ask yourself this simple question:
What do I want - that I already have?
Because the truth is, there are still a million things I have on my someday to-do list that aren't even kind of feasible any time soon. It's easy to get caught up in working so hard for the future and all the things we want, want, want...that we never pause to take stock in what we have right here, right now, or all the amazing things we've already made happen. Gratitude is so powerful because it forces you into the present. It allows you to stop, look at your life, appreciate what you have now and how far you've come, instead of getting lost and overwhelmed by the pressure of all you have yet to accomplish.
About two-and-a-half years ago getting my health coaching certification, starting a business, building a website, starting a blog, and writing a book, all while my husband was getting his masters, traveling 5 days a week, and having a newborn baby and two kiddos to take care of seemed like an insane task and a straight-up impossibility. And it was. Until I broke everything down into small steps and dug deep to figure out the why and how, I made every excuse in the book. Looking back, I know it all happened in perfect timing but I could have done things faster if I hadn't let fear and excuses weigh me down. But the thing is, all these small wins build confidence, and they've given me momentum; and staying connected to my why has mostly kept me on track. Also? That book isn't even close to being finished, the blog and my business are just getting started, and I still have lots to do. Lest you think I'm some super get-it-done rock-star, let me assure you, I am NOT. The biggest lesson I've learned is that slow progress is not the same thing as underachieving. Taking your time does not mean you're lazy. Consistent purposeful action and not quitting is more important than anything else, and often times what looks like procrastination is really just clarity building and God preparing.
Whatever you feel called to do, big or small, I hope you find the clarity and confidence to go for it.
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